i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
porn star boner night. come get it.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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