why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
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