He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
