We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
