Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
