I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
