Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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