it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
