Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
