So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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