I should be sponsored by Trojan
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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