Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
