um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Randomize
