the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
