are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
