You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
being pregnant is like rehab
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
