I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Randomize
