If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
