Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I feel like a drive thru vagina
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