Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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