im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
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