Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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