i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Randomize
