Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
