Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
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