The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize