Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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