Who did Billy Mays play for?
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
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