so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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