nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
