But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
