Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
