I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Randomize
