2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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