ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
