is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
