WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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