I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS