Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
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my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
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I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me