Texts From Last Night

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  (636): View more from Missouri

  this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...

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  (636): this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for... http://tfl.nu/dqoy
  Replies (17) Good night (4329) Bad night (642)
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.

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  (201): It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name. http://tfl.nu/d1cf
  Replies (12) Good night (1201) Bad night (4476)
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.

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  (304): He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight. http://tfl.nu/5vdu
  Replies (60) Good night (15086) Bad night (2070)
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.

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  (678): Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina. http://tfl.nu/qhn3
  Replies (11) Good night (706) Bad night (3524)
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  (416): View more from Toronto

  Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.

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  (416): Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment. http://tfl.nu/mdg4
  Replies (9) Good night (8215) Bad night (942)
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  (903): View more from Texas

  Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.

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  (903): Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning. http://tfl.nu/i0lg
  Replies (6) Good night (2956) Bad night (937)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized

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  (847): Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized http://tfl.nu/hh8z
  Replies (16) Good night (2576) Bad night (557)
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  (587): View more from Alberta

  You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.

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  (587): You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month. http://tfl.nu/i8z5
  Replies (16) Good night (2038) Bad night (665)
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  (607): View more from New York

  I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.

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  (607): I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts. http://tfl.nu/406u
  Replies (4) Good night (563) Bad night (737)
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  (602): View more from Arizona

  They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.

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  (602): They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't. http://tfl.nu/kn7x
  Replies (2) Good night (1050) Bad night (407)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.

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  (215): my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue. http://tfl.nu/4yma
  Replies (0) Good night (573) Bad night (257)
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment

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  (919): Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment http://tfl.nu/lt3a
  Replies (5) Good night (1392) Bad night (259)
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.

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  (570): They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America. http://tfl.nu/4pz5
  Replies (4) Good night (474) Bad night (207)
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  (615): View more from Tennessee

  I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?

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  (615): I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like? http://tfl.nu/fbjj
  Replies (2) Good night (621) Bad night (158)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.

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  (303): And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond. http://tfl.nu/d9ej
  Replies (2) Good night (431) Bad night (210)

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