My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.