I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
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his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
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Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit