i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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