Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
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