I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
