I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
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Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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