I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
