I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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