hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
