Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
