i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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