When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Randomize
