guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
