Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize