How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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