I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
