he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
