FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
