he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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