Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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