I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Randomize
