I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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