12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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