he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Randomize
