I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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