You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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