He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
