Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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