you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
