I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize