We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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