I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
