I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Randomize
