I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
