apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
