How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize